Wendy Clarke, writer and artist. Shell's Page - some photos and part of her story

This page is for all those parents who have tried to do their best by their kids in every conceivable way, yet still lost a child to drugs. The experts will tell you if you provide your children with a loving, nurturing environment - if you set them a good example and impose limits and consequences for breaking them - if you talk to them openly about the dangers of experimentation, then such a thing can never happen to you.

Well, I'm here to tell them they're wrong. And we're not the only parents who have never smoked; who drink in moderation; who've never touched an illicit substance; who have a loving, stable relationship; who've encouraged their kids to be involved in sport and music outside school, and who talked to them honestly and openly about everything, who have had it happen to them.

Some kids aren't prepared to take their parents' word that some things are bad for them. They have to find out for themselves. And once they've taken that first step (through her bedroom window in Shell's case because I wouldn't let her smoke cigarettes at home) into a world where such sordid, terrible things can happen to them, sometimes there seems to be no way back for them. No matter how much they try. No matter how much people try to help them. Though professional help is limited when mental illness is involved, to some extent drug induced in Michelle's case I believe, since none of the psychiatrists she saw could agree on a diagnosis.

There are thousands of kids who suffer from both addiction and mental illness; who seem to slip between the cracks. Social Services pays them to run away, some as young as thirteen, on their word alone; they don't even check into their families. Rehabs can't or won't treat mental illness, especially when it involves self-harm. Psych wards can't or won't treat drug addiction. The situation isn't helped when they find out their parents lied to them: that except at home there are no consequences. Not until they turn eighteen. If they live that long.

One thing the experts have got right. Addicts themselves have to want to change, because they are the only ones who can do it. Which is probably the hardest lesson for a parent to learn: that there's no way they can make it happen. You can't lock them up (I tried once in desperation to stop her leaving with her drug dealer boyfriend). I even rang the police a few times to stop her from driving so she wouldn't hurt anyone else. Michelle, too, tried on occasions, but more for our sake than her own. The world as she saw it was just too hard to handle straight.

Well, beloved daughter, though you are in our thoughts and prayers always it's time to get on with our lives. Meantime, I hope that by sharing your story with others I can at least let them know they're not alone.